


Momentum

by ninjamming



Category: Coronation Street
Genre: F/F, non-canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-22 08:04:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13162746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninjamming/pseuds/ninjamming
Summary: ‘So, Rana,’ said Sophie, fixing Rana with her steady gaze, ‘are ya still gonna pretend you have no idea what I’m on about, or should I go on? Because there's plenty more where that came from.’(or, how I wish stuff would go down for Kate, Rana and Sophie)





	Momentum

**Author's Note:**

> This got surprisingly angsty... And long :( Poor Sophie. I honestly like writing her and really enjoyed having her interact with Rana here. If you're not up to date on Sophie's storylines then you should still understand this but it'll probably mean more if you catch up (hint hint). 
> 
> Totally didn't start shipping her a little with Rana. Nooope.
> 
> Thanks to wvearp on Tumblr for reading this through for me when I got stuck (I've made a few... Changes since ;)

Today, Kate and Rana were arguing.

Maybe. If you could call it that. At the very least, they were disagreeing, and things were tense and unpleasant. Rana could not deal with tense and unpleasant, at least not with Kate. Strange, when her usual M.O. was to argue and snipe at the other person until everything was out on the table. Optional storm outs and door slamming.

It wasn't like that at first when they met up that night. Initially it was the same as all their other encounters in Michelle and Robert's flat - light making out, light chatting, heavier making out. Pretty typical for them: they preferred exploring each other physically over anything else while they were up there. Time was scarce after all, and there were always texts. This, however -  Rana's hands on Kate's back, or Kate pressing her into the sofa - was not something that could be packaged up in a few words or an emoji. Neither would admit it because it made them feel out of control and young. Surely they were above all that hormonal bullshit. Except when they weren't, and all they could think about was each other.

Today was different. It shouldn't have been. Zeedan was fobbed off with some excuse, Kate miraculously had the day off, and Robert and Michelle were tied up in last minute parties down at the Bistro. It was nearly Christmas day. There should have been time to relax, and take it slow with each other. It should have been easy.

However, Rana was fast learning that things with Kate were never as simple as they seemed on the surface. Tonight was a perfect example of that. A single light hearted comment from Kate about Zee being away had led to a snippy admonishment from Rana about bringing him up. She didn't mean anything by it, really. It's just that the sound of Zeedan's name would cause a crashing wave of shame to flood over her and it could take a good three or four minutes just to shake herself out of it. It was sensible timekeeping, considering they were always on a tight schedule together.

So Rana was regretful for her snippy comment, but wasn't really thinking much of it. They'd had tiny spats like this a few times since they'd "gotten together", or whatever they were doing, but Kate had usually defused things and stepped down. Indeed, there had been a few seconds in which Kate seemed like she was going to let it go. The Kate of the past few weeks probably would have done. She probably would have apologised even though she didn’t really need to. She’d been so good at comforting Rana and being supportive when Rana doesn’t deserve it. But the stress of everything seemed to be getting to her more and more as of late. Otherwise she probably wouldn’t have made a biting comment about Rana seriously daring to be upset about being reminded she had a husband.

And it must have been getting to Rana too, or she wouldn't have clenched her fists at her sides. She wouldn't have snapped that she was perfectly aware she was married, it's just that she didn't need reminding 24/7, thank you. And if this was Kate's attempt at being supportive...

And it must have really been getting to Kate, or her face wouldn't have turned red up to the tips of her ears. She wouldn't have gotten that narrow-eyed, square-jawed expression that she always gets when things are kicking off. She wouldn't have glared at Rana, and said, of course she was being supportive, was Rana kidding her? She loved Rana, and she wanted to be there for her, but she had her limits. And getting shitty with her just for making a flaming joke - no, let her finish - about a situation that was tearing her apart day to day was just so unfair, she didn't know where to begin. Rana was being selfish if she thought Kate being supportive meant she had to roll over and accept everything, because she wouldn't, and she wouldn't wait forever, because she deserved better than that.

And - well. No point pretending it wasn't all getting to Rana by this point, or she wouldn’t have snatched up her handbag and run out of Michelle’s flat, choking back tears. It was worse to realise that there were no footsteps rushing behind her, no hand on her arm or voice calling her back. Kate just watched her leave. This fact only made Rana sob harder, to the point where she had to duck into the ginnel next to the flat just to catch her breath and calm down. Ten minutes later she stumbled into the Rovers because going back to her home and finding Zeedan there right now felt like fucking torture.

It was in this state in which she was found by Sophie not long after that, miserably throwing back a glass of wine that she didn’t want but desperately needed just to get through the night. She’d been obsessively checking her phone to see if Kate had messaged, but nothing had arrived. In between checking she’d also drafted at least a dozen texts alternating between over the top apologies, and anger at Kate - blaming her for everything had happened to the two of them the past few months. None of them were fair. None of them were true. She just wanted someone else to blame for how awful she felt, every day, for her own stupid decisions. It wasn't like she didn't know Kate had a point, but equally it all still hurt, so much, and she just wanted a break from feeling the weight of everyone else's pain on top of hers. Just for a few minutes.

But she couldn't, so. Wine it was.

Just as she was considering foregoing the texts and instead leaving a dramatic voicemail (fast becoming a staple of their relationship) someone slipped into the booth in front of her. ‘Hiya!’

Rana almost dropped her phone with surprise. For a moment her heart had swelled, thinking it was Kate; when she saw it was Sophie, she did her best to hide the disappointment from her face and her voice. ‘Oh, hi Sophie.’

The smile Rana gave her was one she’d been practising every day with Zeedan for the past few months. She’d gotten pretty good at pretending like everything was fine. But Sophie had plenty of experience with upset girls who hid their true feelings away. In one look she picked up on several red flags. First was the vestiges of wiped-away makeup on a person who would normally never be caught dead somewhere without a few inches of mascara; the second was the anxious way she was clutching her phone and could hardly keep her eyes on Sophie’s face even for a second because she was too busy checking if any messages had come. Last was the telltale hitch in Rana’s breath from someone who’d been crying for a while.

But Sophie also knew better than to ask outright, or to let on that she knew. Instead she simply asked casually, ‘You alright?’

Rana licked her lips, wondering if it would be rude to simply get up and leave. But Sophie hadn’t done anything wrong, and she shouldn’t take it out on her just because she was having a rough night. ‘Yeah, I’m fine.’ She waved her phone, seeing Sophie's gaze on it. ‘Just waiting for a call from someone, but something tells me I’m not gonna hear back from them tonight.’

‘Oh.’ She nodded her understanding. ‘It’s not work, is it? I know you’re an overachiever and all but that’s probably taking it a bit far.’

‘Mm.’ Rana tried to think of an excuse but none came fast enough. ‘No, it’s not work.’ To Rana’s relief, Sophie didn’t push it further, but she didn’t miss the curious look on her face. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘Got bored at home,’ Sophie replied easily. ‘Thought I’d pop by and see if anyone interesting was around. Lo' and behold, you were here. You?’

‘Just having a few drinks.’

Sophie raised an eyebrow. ‘On your own?’

‘Yeah. Why not? It’s more relaxing sometimes, especially after a long day of dealing with other people’s problems.’ said Rana. She pointed at her empty wine glass in a self-deprecating manner. ‘I’ll probably get myself a few of these and wallow in my misery some more, before I head home.’ When Sophie leaned forward in concern, Rana knew she’d said too much. Or perhaps it was the crack in her lighthearted tone that gave it away.  

‘Misery? That sounds grim.’

Rana waved her hand dismissively. ‘Oh - don't worry, I'm just being dramatic. The lead up to Christmas is always busy, especially as staff numbers drop off. Not to mention some of the patients I’ve seen this week have been really difficult. So I’m enjoying a bit of self pity time, if you know what I mean.’ To be fair, that was completely true. She hadn’t wanted to mention it to Kate - their time together was so limited that spending any of it complaining or arguing felt wasteful. Nonetheless, it’d been a big contributor to her stress out this evening. Having to push back her conflicting personal emotions and guilt while dealing with a larger amount of increasingly irritable patients was taking its toll on her.

Sophie grimaced sympathetically. ‘I can imagine,’ she said. ‘Sorta. I wouldn’t last an hour in that kind of environment. I have no idea how you do what you do.’

‘Sometimes I wonder that myself,’ Rana found herself admitting. That was odd. That was not something she would have ever admitted to someone else. Projecting an image of confidence in your abilities was just something you learnt to do in the medical profession; being unsure led to hesitation, and hesitation led to mistakes. Must have been the alcohol.

She was shocked out of these thoughts when Sophie put her hand over hers briefly. The contact was unexpected, but not unwelcome. ‘You sound done in.’ She pointed her head towards the bar. ‘Tell you what, do you want me to get us some drinks? Then you can tell us all about it, if you want.’

That meant Sophie was intending on staying. ‘Oh, you don’t have to do that,’ she said, trying to convey that she really did not want Sophie to do that.

If Sophie picked up on this cue, she ignored it. Typical Webster. ‘I know,’ said Sophie, blunt as usual. ‘I want to.’

Rana couldn’t help but feel like Sophie knew something she didn’t. She was smiling at Rana, but there was something behind that look. It encouraged her to talk, but there was a hardness in her otherwise kind eyes that made Rana’s muscles tighten, ready to bolt. Still, if she kept turning Sophie down she was definitely going to suspect something, and she might begin asking more questions. That would not lead to anything pleasant. So in the end, she just nodded, reluctantly.

Sophie grinned, satisfied with her cajoling. ‘Great! I’ll be right back.’

In the time it took for Sophie to get them both drinks, Rana had checked her phone for more texts. She had also drafted yet another, this time opening up a little about the terrible week she’d had and apologising for letting it affect their time together. When Sophie suddenly set the glass of wine in front of her, she quickly switched her phone’s screen off; however, she was fairly sure Sophie had been able to see that she was texting Kate. Rana wondered in concern whether she may have seen the tail end of the message she was typing up, which had been a nonsensical ramble of apologies and anxiety about losing Kate.

‘There ya go,’ said Sophie, plopping back down on the other side of the table again. ‘Just got you another glass of red. Hope that was alright.’

‘It’s great. Thanks Soph.’ She took a sip, but the alcohol was having diminishing returns. It was getting harder to ignore the heaviness weighing down her stomach, especially with Sophie sitting across from her with that all-knowing look. She noticed Sophie hadn’t bought herself any alcohol, instead opting for lemonade.

At Rana’s look, Sophie explained, ‘Don’t drink a whole lot anymore. I have a few now and then when I’m out but I tend not to opt for alcohol if I can help it these days.’

‘Sensible,’ said Rana. ‘Healthy. Probably better for your wallet too.’

‘That’s for sure.’ She took a long sip of her lemonade and then set it down firmly, with the air of someone about to settle a business deal. ‘So! Did you want to vent about what’s been happening?’

‘Mm. I’m not really feeling up for chatting about it, if I’m totally honest. Still, it’s sweet of you to ask, and care,’ she added. Politeness, always.

The corner of Sophie’s mouth went up, as did her eyebrow. ‘Are you sure? I thought I was being nosy. Guess I’m me mum’s child, after all.’

‘No, no,’ Rana insisted. ‘It is nice. People gossip on this street but they hardly ever ask directly. It gets lonely.’

‘Really? Even with your husband?’

Rana froze, slowly raising her gaze to Sophie’s face. Her tone was far too casual to be natural. Or was she just imagining that? ‘I can talk to Zeedan, yeah,’ she replied, as evenly as she could. 'But some things Zeedan will never get. You know what men are like.’

‘Not intimately, no.’ Sophie smirked, making Rana roll her eyes. ‘But I do know what you mean. Me dad's like that. And sometimes it’s just hard to talk about stuff with people you’re close to.’

‘Exactly!’ said Rana, relieved. ‘I'm glad you get it.’

‘Course. Still, even if you're not up for chatting at the moment... Lord knows I ain’t got much else on, and I could use the distraction,’ she said, with a soft laugh. ‘I’m all ears if you decide you do need to talk.’

‘Thanks, Sophie.’

Sophie smiled.

And Rana could have just left it there. Honestly, life probably would have been ten times easier if she had. Maybe it was the way Sophie was staring at her so insistently  that compelled her to talk. Whatever it was, for some reason her traitorous, tipsy mouth went on to say, ‘Then again, I’m not sure if you’d understand anyway.’

Sophie seemed to sit up straighter at that. There was the fire of a challenge in her eyes. ‘Why do you say that?’

Inwardly, Rana was cursing herself. She tried to cover her tracks. ‘Oh, I didn’t mean you personally. It’s just that it’s a pretty difficult issue, and... and I’m not sure if I understand what’s going on, let alone someone else. It's nothing, though, I'm fine.’

‘Hm,’ said Sophie. 'Are you sure?'

'Yes,’ replied Rana. She added, again, hoping to drop this, 'Really.’  

Sophie drummed her fingers on the table, appearing to be considering something. She grabbed hold of the beer mat laying on the table, shredding off some of the cardboard and rolling it between her fingers. As she was doing this, she proceeded to say, very casually, ‘So it's nothing to do with Kate, then?’

Rana, who was having another go at drinking her wine, almost spat it across the table in her panic. ‘What?’ Rana half hissed, half yelled.

Sophie’s eyes were dancing with amusement, and something else that Rana couldn’t identify. ‘What? Did you think I didn’t know? You guys aren’t exactly subtle.’

Rana shook her head, trying to quell the sudden need to throw up. How could Sophie have known? And if she knew, how many other people knew as well? ‘I- I have no idea what you’re on about,’ she managed to choke out, knowing it was plainly obvious from her face that she did know, and that thought was making her want to spew across the table. If she'd had a bit more time she might have been able to conjure up a lie, but Sophie had taken her by surprise. 

‘Really? That’s how you’re going to go about this?’ She seemed almost disappointed in Rana. ‘Let’s think about it, shall we?’ Sophie held up her hand and started counting on her fingers. ‘Couple of months ago, Kate and you have all these arguments about you being supposedly homophobic. Imogen and Kate break up suddenly. You make up with her, but a few weeks later she turns up totally bladdered to your wedding reception and seems really angry at you for no reason...  Then a couple of weeks ago she starts wandering around all happy, but is always suspiciously busy when she’s not working. I haven’t been able to spend any time with her, even though we’re supposedly mates. Finally, I’m fairly sure I’ve seen you guys making eyes at each other at the Bistro when I nipped in for a cuppa a week or two ago. It weren't hard to put two and two together. 

‘So, Rana,’ said Sophie, fixing Rana with her steady gaze, ‘are ya still gonna pretend you have no idea what I’m on about, or should I go on? Because there's plenty more where that came from.’

Rana slowly sat back in the booth, covering her face with trembling hands. This was too much. Too fucking much. The emotion was beginning to bubble up from where she’d managed to force it down earlier tonight; it spilled out into her voice when she asked, ‘Have you known all this time?’

‘Suspected for a little while, yeah. At first I thought I was just seeing things but you’ve just confirmed it for me once and for all.’

Rana peeked over the top of her hands, needing to see Sophie’s face for this bit. She asked in a small voice, ‘You... you haven’t told anyone, have you?

Sophie’s eyes once again flashed briefly with something Rana couldn’t quite place. Was it anger? Sadness? It disappeared too quickly for Rana to work it out. ‘No. Of course not. I would never do that to Kate.’

Rana sagged with relief, wiping the few errant tears that had escaped from the corners of her eyes. ‘I wasn't accusing you. It’s just that, if anyone found out -’

‘I know,’ interrupted Sophie curtly. ‘Don’t have to tell me. All that sneaking around, hoping no one finds out... It’s hard enough without other people gossiping behind your back. I’m not going to add to that. Don't worry.’

‘Thank you,’ said Rana, hoping she could convey more gratitude with her expression than mere words would allow. Even though she knew that she ultimately wasn’t doing this for Rana’s sake at all (it didn’t escape Rana’s knowledge that Sophie said she’d never do that “to Kate”). At least the anger made sense. It was obvious where her loyalties lay.

Sophie linked her fingers and set her chin atop them, surveying Rana. ‘How are you finding it? You know, the cheating life.’

Rana was stung by the blithe comment. ‘Well, you saw me when you came in...' Rana gestured at the empty glasses littering her today. ‘That should answer your question.’

Sophie hummed. ‘Any reason for the excessive drinking, or is the guilt about having an affair just proving a bit much?’

‘Would you keep your bloody voice down?!’ Rana glanced around to make sure no one was listening in; thankfully, all the other patrons were busy with their own drinks and conversations. To Sophie’s credit, she did look at least a little apologetic, perhaps because she’d just promised that she wasn’t going to say anything. Rana went on, in her lowest voice, ‘It’s nothing really. We had this ridiculous argument this evening about Zee. Some things were said that shouldn’t have been, and I think it all just got on top of us a bit. But you know, it’s not been easy for either of us.’

‘Well, you can kind of understand why she’d be a bit narked,’ said Sophie calmly. ‘You are married, after all. To a man.’

There was a definite harsh edge to Sophie’s voice now. ‘Sophie...' said Rana, shying away from the muted fury in her eyes, and the way it made her feel like the worst person in the world. ‘I feel bad enough as it is, without you laying it on thick.’

‘What?’ Sophie snapped. She'd dropped the calm air now. ‘I’m not saying anything you don’t already know, am I?’ That sounded almost exactly like what Kate had said to her earlier, and it stung all the more. ‘Look, Kate’s my friend. I want her to be happy. I don’t care who with, as long as that person isn’t messing her around, or playing with her heart.’

‘And let me guess. You think I’m messing Kate around?’

Sophie sneered. ‘Well, ya know. If the shoe fits.’

For the umpteenth time that evening, Rana could feel herself choking back full on sobs. Normally she would have told Sophie where to get off but she couldn’t seem to tonight; her words cut deep, and she knew it. But it was almost like Rana needed to hear them all, and that was why she couldn’t just leave. ‘Sophie... Please, you have no idea what you’re talking about.’

Sophie laughed derisively. ‘Trust me, love. I understand more than you think. I’ve been where you are in more ways than one. I know exactly what’s going through your head. And all’s I can say is, the longer this goes on, the more pain there’s gonna be for everyone in the end. So if you’re just intending to string Kate along for some kind of experiment, then I suggest you put the poor girl out of her misery before it's too late.’

‘I’m not stringing her along,’ Rana retorted. She wanted to sound firm, and confident, but she just sounded weak and pathetic. ‘It’s not that easy. If it was, don’t you think I’d have left him already?’

She was interrupted by Sophie's palm slapping the table - not violently, and not enough to get anyone’s attention, but enough to alarm Rana. ‘Oh please,’ she growled. ‘You didn't have to go through with the wedding. No one is forcing you to come out, but there's no need to cheat, either. You could have just left him and sorted out the rest later.’

‘And then what, hurt him more when he finds out the truth? Not to mention my family is going to want to know why we're splitting up. I could lose them all, Sophie. You have no idea what I'm going through.’

Even as she was saying it, she knew it was a terrible argument - because she'd asked herself the same thing over and over before. Wondering why she'd taken this route when it seemed to lead to the most pain for everyone involved. She'd known from the start she didn't want to marry Zeedan but she went through with it anyway. She knew cheating on Zeedan was wrong but she did that anyway, too.

And Sophie seemed to think so too. Because she laughed.

This laugh wasn't her usual warm chortle - it was low and cold and seemed to chill the very air around Sophie.

Sophie said, very slowly, ‘You're telling me I don't know what you're going through, Rana? You're telling me I don't know what losing people I love feels like?’

A glacial silence fell the two of them, as Rana struggled to work out how to respond. The look in her eyes honestly frightened Rana. The closest thing she could compare it to was the look on some of her patients’ faces when they'd been suffering for a long time with some untreatable condition. Sophie looked exhausted by her own pain.

Rana knew very little about Sophie’s story besides the bits she'd heard from Kate here and there, and through the general Coronation Street grapevine. She knew something awful had happened to Sophie’s girlfriend and she hadn't been with anyone since. No one, even Kate, had given Rana more details. It wasn't exactly polite conversation to talk about someone’s dead girlfriend. There had been talk of other incidents, too, a failed wedding when Sophie was young - but again, not many details. It was before Rana's time here and honestly she hadn't been that interested.

Now, though, she wished she knew, if only to be able to understand why Sophie looked that way. ‘I didn't mean to -’ She stopped, tried again. ‘I think it's different, Sophie. This is about my family disowning me. I know you’ve been through a lot, but the situations... Are they really comparable?’

‘Maybe not.’ Sophie’s fists were clenched on the table, her knuckles white. A muscle was twitching in her jaw, and she was panting heavily. ‘Or maybe you just don't understand.’

‘What… What are you trying to say?’

‘Do you really not get it?’ She snorted out another humorless laugh, now forcing her words out from between gritted teeth. ‘I'm trying to say, Rana, that I understand way more than you think. I happen to know what it's like to run away from Weatherfield, out of fear my entire family would reject me for loving the wrong person. I know what it's like to lose someone you love because of your own mistakes, and the agony of realising they'll never come back because of _you._ I know what it's like to think you've found the one, start planning your future with her, and the _same day,_  be watching her die through a hospital window. Can you say the same? I doubt it.

‘And do you know how I know you don't understand? Because if you did, you wouldn’t be fucking around in indecision, wasting time. You wouldn't be here right now. Because you would know that one day, Zeedan or Kate might never come back, and there would be _nothing_ you could do about it.’

As Sophie finished speaking, she let out a breathless noise - almost a sob - her face crumpling. She sank back into the booth, turning from an explosive ball of anger into a small, hurt little girl before Rana's very eyes.

Sophie was not known for dramatic displays of grief. It was one of the things people whispered about Sophie, meant to be complimentary but really showing how they didn't know a thing about her. ‘Isn't she brave? Isn't she strong? She's been through so much but you'd hardly ever know it, bless her.’

Now, though, it was obvious that she wasn't quite as put together as she'd like the street to think. Sophie's gaze seemed faraway - haunted, Rana might have even said - as though she were mentally somewhere else, followed by memories she'd rather bury and pretend did not exist. It was intensely uncomfortable for Rana to see, who felt like an intruder on whatever Sophie was experiencing right now. She was loathe to say anything, or do anything to remind Sophie that she was here, and potentially cause her more suffering.

But she couldn't just sit here and do nothing, either. It was never in Rana's nature to be a bystander to pain. So Rana got up and walked around to Sophie’s side of the booth. She slipped her arm around the other girl - who was trembling from head to toe - and pulled her close. Just seeing Sophie in that kind of agony made a lump come to Rana’s throat, too, but she didn’t try to hide it this time; she let the tears fall silently into Sophie's hair, leaning her forehead against her crown.

Sophie didn’t lean into Rana, but she didn’t push her away, either, merely gripping lightly at her wrist. That small connection was enough for Rana to know this was okay, and that they finally understood each other.

They stayed like that for a few moments, hardly aware of the noisy crowd around them. Any other time Rana would have been conscious of people watching or getting the wrong idea but her heart ached too much to care. Even though she'd just spent the last ten minutes making Rana feel like shit, no one deserved to feel like this at Christmas. At least this way they were matched in making a tit of themselves in public.

Eventually, the focus finally came back into Sophie's eyes and she gave herself a little shake. She met Rana's equally tearful gaze with only moderate embarrassment, which impressed Rana. If she’d shown such vulnerability to a near enough stranger, she probably would have left the country.

But Sophie was obviously made of stronger stuff. Sophie seized Rana's glass of wine and took a long drink, discreetly wiping her eyes with the same movement. Rana pretended not to notice. When she was done, she sat back, shaking off the arm around her shoulders with a subtle movement. She took the hint and returned to her seat opposite.

Sophie's cheeks were flushed red. ‘God... I'm so sorry,’ Sophie muttered. ‘I honestly didn't mean to dump that on you. I don't know where that came from.’

Rana was about to reach for her hand, but then thought better of it. They'd already shared too much physical contact and she didn't want to spook Sophie. ‘It's okay. I get it. We all have stuff that gets on top of us, and we just blow one day.’

‘No, it's...’ Sophie blew out a frustrated breath, ruffling her fringe. She shut her eyes. ‘Christmas is hard for me. I met Maddie during Christmas 2014... and a few Christmases before that, Sian and I broke up. The year before that was when I found out my dad had been cheating on my mum, and the tram crash happened. It's just been one awful time of year after another for me. I thought I was gonna deal with things better now. But apparently not.’

‘I had no idea,’ Rana murmured. ‘I'm so sorry.’

‘No. Not many people do. I prefer that because I don't want people treating me differently. But that doesn't excuse me being a complete cow to you,’ she said, speaking more to her lap than Rana. ‘I'm not gonna lie to you, Rana. I saw you come in here and I came over wanting to pick a fight with you. I knew something was going on but I never intended to hear your side. I wanted to scare you off Kate. I know things are way more complicated for you than just choosing her. I never should have got at you like that.’

‘They are more complicated than that, yeah,’ replied Rana softly. ‘But you might be right all the same. About not wasting time.’

Sophie smiled, but it didn't quite meet her eyes. ‘I'm sorry I made it sound like our situations were comparable. They aren't, really.’

‘I don't know,’ said Rana. ‘They're more alike than you think. Like you said, you've had to deal with potentially losing your family over being… Loving another woman. I can relate to that, at least.’

‘Yeah, well…’ Sophie looked away. 'They came around. They were pretty great in the end actually. Maybe yours will too.’

‘I doubt it, somehow, but I guess I can still hope.’

Sophie nodded. ‘So what do you think you're going to do?’

‘Eventually, I’ll tell Zeedan,’ said Rana. ‘Probably in the New Year. I’m just trying to think of the best way to do it, to cause the least damage to him and my other relationships here.’ Sophie seemed surprised, for some reason, and Rana could guess why. ‘Did you really think I had no intention of leaving him at all?’

‘A little, maybe,’ said Sophie, sounding sheepish.

‘Really? God, no wonder you went off on me.’

‘I assumed a bit there. Sorry.’

‘Just a bit. I don’t blame you, though. It's taken some time to convince myself. But...’ Rana smiled down at her hands. ‘It'll be worth it. Kate is worth it.’

Sophie was watching her, an inscrutable look on her face. ‘You really love her, don't you?’

‘Unfortunately... Yeah. I do.’

‘Good,’ said Sophie. ‘Keep it that way.’

‘I will. But I might have to do a bit of grovelling to get back on her good side, considering I think she's still mad at me right now.’

‘You still haven't heard from her?’ Rana shook her head. Despite everything, it hadn't escaped her notice that Kate still hadn't texted throughout this whole conversation. ‘Hmm.’ Sophie smirked. ‘Gimme a sec, I've got an idea.’

She pulled out her phone, pressed a few buttons, and then put the phone to her ear. A few seconds later, the phone engaged and she began speaking.

‘Hi, Kate.’ Rana’s eyes immediately widened and she tried to grab the phone from across the table, but Sophie dodged away. ‘You alright? Yeah, I'm fine. Listen, I'm calling about Rana.’

Sophie paused, listening to whatever Kate said. Rana tried again to swipe at the phone - fruitlessly, because Sophie turned her body away from her. ‘No, she's not alright. To tell you the truth, I'm a bit worried. I'm in the Rovers with her, and she’s in absolute bits. Totally off her face. I’ve been trying to cheer her up but it’s not working, and she's a few pints in, maybe more. I could use your help getting home home safe if you’re about.’ She listened again, obviously suppressing a few giggles now. ‘Really? Aw Kate, thank you. You're a star. See ya soon, love.’

Sophie hung up the phone and set it down on the table. She rolled her eyes. ‘D’you know summat, that's the first time she's responded to a call or text from me for a while. Second I mention you, she’s running over here.’

Rana couldn't help but feel guilty for Kate's neglect of Sophie, even though it wasn't her fault. ‘I'm sure she doesn't mean to ignore you. She's had a lot on her mind.’

‘Oh aye, I don't doubt it. From the looks of things, you're a proper handful that needs constant attention.’ This time at least the jab was light-hearted, so Rana stuck her tongue out. Sophie pulled her own face in response.

‘You know she’s gonna work it all out when she gets here and sees I’m not “off my face”?’

‘Oh, definitely,’ Sophie said. ‘But that’ll be _your_ problem. I’m gonna make myself scarce in a few. I've done my bit getting her over here. You're welcome, by the way.’

Despite Sophie's sarcasm, Rana was still touched by Sophie's gesture. ‘Thanks. You didn't need to do that, Soph.’

‘I know,’ replied Sophie bluntly. ‘I wanted to.’

Typical Webster.

‘And you know what, for what it’s worth, I honestly hope things work out for the two of you. Kate does seem happy lately and from what I saw when you thought no one was looking, you're disgustingly cute.’ She raised her hand at Rana, index finger pointing right between her eyes. ‘But I'm telling you, if you're still dragging your feet months down the line you'll have me to answer to. Or worse, me mum.’

Rana pretended to shudder in horror. ‘Oh god, not Sally! Anything but that.’ They shared a chuckle. ‘You’re a good friend to her, Soph. She's lucky to have you.’

‘Too right. I'm always cleaning up her messes with other women.’

Rana thought she could sense something akin to wistfulness - or bitterness - in Sophie's voice. For a second her stomach twisted uncomfortably. She’d gotten so used to feeling it with Imogen that she was immediately able to identify exactly what emotion it was: jealousy.

‘Sophie. Do you...’ she began. But at Sophie's curious head tilt, she abandoned that line of questioning. It was none of her business how Sophie felt. And if she was here, with Rana, trying to help her - maybe that was a can of worms left unopened. ‘Actually, never mind. Whatever I was gonna say is gone. Drunk brain.’

Sophie stood up, and patted Rana on the shoulder. ‘I can see why Kate's interested now. Obviously your sharp intellect.' Rana rolled her eyes and pretended to glare at Sophie. 'Right, I'm gonna go home now. Try not to put your foot in it again, although I imagine that's a bit hard for you.’

Rana reached up and squeezed her hand - ignoring the final jibe at her expense. ‘Thanks, Soph. Have a good Christmas, won't you?’

‘I'll definitely have a go. No promises though, especially with Rosie and my little brother nicking the Yorkshires at Christmas dinner. I might never recover.’  

With a jaunty wave that belied the lingering redness beneath her eyes, she left Rana alone with a silent phone, several empty glasses, and a few short minutes to prepare what she wanted to say to Kate.

No text drafts this time, however - this one had to be said in person.

* * *

 

It didn't take long for Kate to arrive, and when she did, she made a beeline straight for Rana. She was pink in the face and sweating slightly. Her eyes darted around the room, searching for a brunette other than the one in front of her who looked a lot more sober, and a lot less broken-hearted than she had been described. ‘Rana?’ said Kate breathlessly. ‘What’s going on? Where’s Sophie?’

‘She left.’

‘What? She just left you on your own? But she said...’ Kate frowned as the pieces fell into place in record time. ‘Was this all a set up to get me to come?’ Rana's face could hide nothing, and Kate was immediately furious. ‘Oh, real mature. You could have just called. The way Sophie was speaking, I thought you'd passed out on her or something. I pretty much ran over here.’

Rana couldn't help but think that was a little bit of an exaggeration - she had been there for the call, after all - but wisely decided not to say that part. ‘I'm sorry. She was just trying to do me a favour. I told her we were fighting and you were ignoring my texts. She decided to get your attention for me.’

Kate scowled, and her bottom lip protruded in a way that Rana distantly registered as adorable. ‘What texts? I haven't had any. I was waiting for you to message me.’

‘I was waiting for _you_ to message. I definitely sent at least one, earlier, which you ignored.’

Kate folded her arms. ‘No, you didn't. Or I would have replied to it. I've been waiting at home like a lemon.’

Rana opened her phone, peering at her messages. Nothing. Not from Kate, and none going to her either. Rana had taken to deleting the more suspect texts, but the ones leading up to going to Michelle's flat were still lingering. She suddenly understood the situation. ‘Oh. I think I got muddled with some of the texts I started, but then deleted.’

‘Oh, for God's sake...’ Kate pinched the bridge of her nose as she sat down next to Rana in the booth. ‘How many have you had tonight?’ She glanced down at the table and turned her eyes skyward. ‘Never mind. Got my answer.’

‘I may have had a few too many,’ said Rana, holding her thumb an inch away from her index and shutting one eye. ‘But I swear, I’m sotally tober.’

‘Yeah, I believe that,’ Kate teased, gently bumping her with her shoulder. ‘God. You're lucky you’re a cute drunk.’

The flirting was familiar, and Rana was relieved that there appeared to be no lingering tension between the two of them. For now, though, she didn't feel like she deserved it. Turning towards Kate, Rana discreetly put her hand on her knee, making sure it was hidden by table and Kate's coat. She felt Kate jump a little at the contact, and suppressed a smile.

‘Kate, about earlier…’

But Kate interrupted. ‘Oi, no. You don't have to say anything,’ she said. 'It was totally my fault. I said I'd support you all the way and then I go around making little bitchy comments about how hard I have it... Can't have it both ways, can I?’

‘No, no. You were right. I mean,’ she added, ‘I wouldn't mind giving the bitchy comments a miss, but I'm not one to talk.’

‘You have your moments, I s’pose,’ said Kate, smiling again. ‘What was I right about?’

‘Well… This situation isn't fair on you, is it?’

‘What isn’t?’ At Rana’s annoyed look, Kate sighed and stopped playing dumb. ‘Okay, fine. No, it isn’t. And I hate every minute of it. But it's not exactly fair on you, either. _Or_ Zeedan. It’s a godawful situation, but it's just the way things have worked out.’

‘Yeah. But I’m the reason we’re _stuck_ in that situation,’ said Rana softly. ‘There's no way I can go back to how things were - not now I know what I could have. But until now I've just been trapped, too scared to move forward. It was only when I was talking to Sophie today that I realised I'm done. I'm done wasting my time being scared. I want to move forward, Kate.’

She expected her heartfelt declaration to have a big impact. Instead Kate's eyes were narrowed in suspicion. ‘You worked all this out after a chat with _Sophie_?’ Oops. When Rana bit her lip guiltily, Kate slapped her forehead. ‘You’re joking. Sophie knows now as well?! Why don't you just put it on Facebook, tell the whole bloody street while you're at it?’

‘ _I_ didn’t tell her!’ Rana protested. ‘She worked it out herself, I swear.’

‘Oh yeah, and how's that?’

‘Well apparently we're not very subtle. And considering we're sitting here having this conversation in public, and you've been looking at my lips every time I talk, I'm starting to think she's right.’

Kate's gaze immediately snapped to Rana’s eyes, a flush in her cheeks. ‘That’s not - I wasn't - oh, very funny,’ she grumbled, as Rana giggled. At least she'd succeeded in getting that annoyed frown off Kate's face.

Rana squeezed Kate’s kneecap gently in reassurance. ‘If it helps, she won’t say anything either.’

‘Oh, I know. Sophie isn't like that. But still - ugh. She's too perceptive for her own good.’

‘Definitely,’ Rana agreed. ‘But she did give me a totally different perspective on this whole situation. So I'm glad about that.’

‘In what way?’

‘Well, she kind of had a go at me because I said I was scared of losing my family. She said I had no idea what loss was like compared to her, considering she'd lost one of her girlfriends through her own mistakes, and another had died on her unexpectedly.’ Rana said it casually, but even just remembering the look on Sophie’s face made her want to pull Kate towards her and never let go. That was the face of someone who'd lost everything they'd ever loved over and over.

During that conversation Rana had imagined her own face looking like Sophie’s - whether because she'd driven Kate away by dithering too long, or because she lost her some other way. The thought was unimaginable, and that had been the turning point for her. She realised that she couldn't stand life without Kate anymore.

‘She really said that?’ said Kate, shocked. ‘Wow. I'm surprised. She normally keeps that kind of stuff to herself.’

‘I think she's having a bit of a rough time of it. Christmas seems to be the anniversary of a few - no, many bad times for her. She kind of broke down after that, and apologised to me… Apparently she'd known about me and you all along, but she deliberately came to have a go at me to let off some steam. We had a bit of a cry together.’

‘Blimey,’ said Kate, exhaling. She looked as troubled by Sophie’s behaviour as Rana felt. ‘Missed it all tonight, didn't I?’

‘It's because of Sophie and her sister that I realised my feelings for you,’ Rana said quietly. ‘I'm pretty sure she only asked me to hang out with her that day because I looked so miserable, but… I owe her a lot for that day.’

‘Me too, in that case,’ said Kate. ‘I know some of the things you're on about, but I forgot they all happened around this time. Poor Soph. I should have been there for her, but I've been wrapped up in my own stuff this Christmas.’

‘We both have,’ said Rana. ‘But that's all going to change, hopefully.’

‘Am I to take that to mean you want to tell Zeedan?’

Poor Kate. The way her eyes lit up and she sat up a little straighter gave away her excitement about the prospect. But she was still trying to act casual and pretend it was nothing to her. Rana really didn't deserve her.

‘I'm not sure when, all I know is soon,’ she said. Predictably, the light in Kate’s eyes dimmed at the sound of Rana's usual placating statement when this came up. This time, however, Rana did mean it. ‘But really soon. I promise.’

‘If you're still not ready, that's okay,’ said Kate. Her disappointment was palpable, and her smile didn't reach her eyes. ‘I'll manage.’

‘No, Kate - I am. There's just a few... things to sort out, first.’

‘Like what?’

Rana paused. Did she really want to be this open with Kate? Maybe it wasn't necessary to tell her everything on her mind.

_If you did, you wouldn’t be fucking around in indecision, wasting time._

Hearing those words in her head, Rana took a breath, trying to steady herself for what she had to say next.

‘Look, I... I know we both just want to get this shitty part over and done with and stop sneaking around. I want that more than anything, trust me. But I realised talking to Sophie that the reason I’m paralysed is because…’

‘Because?’ Kate prompted her, with a soothing rub of her arm.

‘I'm paralysed because I don’t know what’s going to happen afterwards. I don’t know where I’m gonna go, when everything is said and done. I don’t know where I’m going to live. I don't know who my friends will be or who I'll lose because they'll think I've betrayed Zee. I don't know who I'll lose because of the fact you're a woman. I’m terrified of all of that, Kate.’

‘I don't wanna sound dismissive, but I know all this,’ said Kate, not unkindly. ‘That's why I've been saying you can take your time.’

‘I know,’ said Rana. ‘But that’s not the only part I’m scared of.’

‘It isn't?’

‘No. And it’s this other part that’s stopping me, because I _know_ that if I want to be with you I have to accept all the other consequences. It’s this other fear that I keep having… That…’

‘Rana. Just spit it out, babe,’ Kate said in her most tender voice yet, and it was that combined with the unexpected pet name that Rana finally found the courage to say what had been on her mind for weeks.

‘I'm terrified I’m going to go through all this and lose you somehow anyway. Whether because I mess it up somehow, or you decide I'm not worth it after all, or something...  Something worse happens. And because of it, I end up totally alone. I hadn't realised how much it bothered me until Sophie said there was no way to know I wouldn't wake up without you one day.’

She was now squeezing Kate's knee tight enough to bruise.

‘I don’t know how I would cope if that happened. I could manage all those other things, but only if you were there with me.’

‘Oh, _Rana_.’ The way Kate said her name, on a long exhale - like she'd been holding her breath for a long time without realising - made Rana want to cry again. But there appeared to be no more tears left in her, or perhaps her body was just too exhausted.

Kate's hand rose from her side but stopped halfway there. Rana knew that if they were alone, she would have cupped her cheek and probably kissed her until she was breathless. She'd learned to recognise that look in Kate's eye by now.

Instead, her hand found Rana’s under the table and linked their fingers. Her thumb traced one of her knuckles in an idle, soothing pattern.

‘That’s _never_ going to happen. No matter what happens between us, I'll be there for you. I know I was in a mood earlier, but I'm not going to let you go through this alone. I care about you too much to do that.’

Were they alone, Rana herself probably would have thrown her arms around Kate's neck and kissed _her_ until she was starved for oxygen. As it was, she had to settle for warmth of Kate's palm against hers and knocking the inside of her shoe against the other woman's.

‘As for everything else…’ She squared her shoulders, looking resolute. ‘Once we come clean things will be bad for a while, but there's absolutely no way you're going to end up alone in this. You've got to remember that you’ll have my family on your side, too. From experience I know they won't judge us for being two women, and considering their own histories they can't say much about the other parts. I can't promise you won't lose your own family or friends over this, but I can promise the Connors will take you in - happily.’

It was the first time Kate had said something like that, and it went a long, long way to lightening some of the weight that Rana had been carrying on her shoulders. ‘Do you really think that?’

‘Of course. They're going to love you almost as much as I do.’ Rana felt like she might explode if Kate went on - the urge to just grab her was overwhelming.

‘I can't wait to meet them properly,’ Rana said softly.

‘Me neither. Been a while since I brought a beautiful woman home.’ Kate was smiling at her so widely it made Rana's own face hurt to look at her. Or maybe that was because she was grinning, too. ‘Oh - plus, you’ve obviously got Sophie on your side. She’d fight anyone who said a word against either of us.’

‘That's definitely true,’ said Rana. ‘Earlier, she also accused me of stringing you along. I reckon she’d scratch my eyes out if I hurt you.’

Kate laughed. ‘Oh my God. That's so typical of Sophie. She was like that when I first got here - the mouth on her! It’s a wonder we’re such good mates, sometimes.’

‘Speaking of - you should return her calls,’ Rana admonished her. She ignored the twinge of jealousy she felt again; Kate was right, they needed someone like Sophie on their side, and pointless possessiveness wasn’t going to help anyone. ‘She misses you.’

Kate winced. ‘I know, I know. Bad friend. I got her some chocolates for Christmas actually, still need to pop round and deliver them.’

‘And here's me, your secret lover, without chocolates _or_ a present.’

Kate grinned. ‘Well, that's because you’re sweet enough.’ Rana rolled her eyes at the cheesy comment, even though she secretly loved them. ‘Also, it's not even Christmas yet. Don't spoil your surprise.’

‘You mean you did get me something?’ said Rana, intrigued. They hadn't actually discussed whether presents would be a thing this year. The unspoken conclusion seemed to be that it would be too risky or too much of a giveaway if someone found out. So she was interested to know what Kate might have got her.

‘Hm.’ Kate put her arm on the table for support, while underneath the table her foot slipped up Rana's calf. She winked. ‘I suppose you could say I got you something to “unwrap”, yeah.’

Rana gulped. In her peripheral she could see that no one was looking their way still, but they were still playing a dangerous game here. Kate was much too close for Rana's sanity; she could feel every breath on her face and count every individual eyelash. Another second here and she might have mounted Kate at the table. Talk about a scandal for all the old biddies at the Rovers.

So instead, she blurted out, ‘Do you reckon Michelle and Robert are home yet?’

She smirked. ‘Who's unsubtle now?’ Rana blushed and gave her a shove. Kate checked her watch. ‘Not sure. Might be cutting it pretty fine. We wouldn't have much time together.’

Rana chewed on her bottom lip, looking up at Kate from under her eyelashes. ‘... Is it worth the risk?’ She knew it was probably a pointless endeavour, but part of her _needed_ to feel Kate's arms around her again tonight. If only to absorb that feeling of safety and comfort she always got from being near her, and be able to carry it to bed with her tonight.

Kate pretended to think about it, tapping a finger on her chin in thought.

Then she stood up, holding her hand out for Rana to take.

‘For you? _Definitely_.’


End file.
